Perfectionism in the Body: Where It’s Stored and How to Release It
It was just before 7:00 a.m. on a frosty winter morning.
I was six years old, resting in the state between asleep and awake. I heard my dad shut the front door, scrape the frost off his windshield, and start his car. As the muffler hummed and his car pulled out of the driveway, I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders and sinking feeling in my stomach — guilt that he had to leave so early, work so hard, and feeling responsible for that in some way.
I couldn’t take away my father's stress, but I could make myself as easy as possible to raise. So I became the problem-less child: the high-achieving student, the one who never had to be asked twice, the one who tried to make life lighter for everyone else. On the outside, I looked like an impressive, happy kid who had it all together. On the inside, I was highly anxious and carrying the belief that my needs were a burden.
When you grow up with parents who are emotionally or psychologically compromised, there can be unspoken messages that say, “Make it easier on me.” I absorbed that message deeply. I stuffed down anything that wasn’t sweet, nice, or polite — and I wore a mask called perfectionism.
And this is where the body comes in. As Gabor Maté explores in When the Body Says No, chronically repressing feelings like rage, grief, anger, or sadness doesn’t make them go away. Over time, repressed feelings can accumulate and become chronic tension, stress, and even illness (in my case, they manifested as three autoimmune conditions, including Lyme disease).
While I’m not suggesting that somatic practices alone can completely cure autoimmune illness, I know firsthand that they can help release stored stress, tension, and trauma from the body — and that release is often where true healing begins.
So, in today's blog post we're diving deep into perfectionism: where it can be stored in the body and how you can release it.
What Is Perfectionism in the Body?
According to Maté, perfectionism can develop when a child feels that love, approval, or safety are conditional on performance, compliance, or being “good.” In that kind of environment, striving to be perfect becomes a way to avoid rejection or disapproval and to gain a sense of control. This, obviously, extends far beyond our family systems and out into the patriarchal and other oppressive systems we are embedded within.
Perfectionism isn’t only “in your head” — it can impact your nervous system, muscles, and even digestion. There can be a kind of somatic storage that happens when the body holds onto perfectionistic stress and pressure. This is what can make perfectionism a trauma response for some people. But there is hope! You can reclaim your power from this.
How Perfectionism Gets Stored in the Nervous System
Perfectionism activates our fight/flight/freeze response in the body. Chronic perfectionism creates chronic stress in the body, and chronic stress creates chronic tension in the body. It is at this point that our bodies can create what we call holding patterns: unique ways your body holds and stores stress.
Research supports this connection: In this study, among people with fibromyalgia, socially prescribed perfectionism, anxiety sensitivity, and PTSD symptoms were positively correlated with severity of somatic symptoms (pain, etc.). In another study on youth with chronic pain, socially prescribed perfectionism (feeling pressure from others to be perfect) was linked with more somatization, more pain-related distress, and dysfunction.
Through somatic exercises and somatic healing practices and interpersonal healing work, you can release chronic stress, tension, and trauma from your body. You are a powerful co-creator of your life. You can heal. You can get free.
Physical Signs of Perfectionism in the Body
There are many possible ways that perfectionism can show up in the body. Everyone is unique and may have different and varied holding patterns. Here are some possibilities:
Shoulders
Physical signs: Tense shoulders, shoulder pain, upper and mid-back pain
Emotional patterns: Over-responsibility, carrying burdens that don’t belong to you, carrying the weight of expectations
Jaw
Physical signs: Jaw clenching, teeth grinding
Emotional patterns: Repressing one’s anger and true feelings
Stomach
Digestive issues, constipation, chronic knot in your stomach
Emotional patterns: Guilt, repressing or ignoring gut feelings or gut knowings, fear
Shallow or restricted breathing
Fatigue or brain fog from constant over-efforting
Chronic headaches or neck stiffness
Difficulty relaxing, even during “downtime”
Feeling “on edge” or restless without clear reason
Please note: We are human and life can be stressful. It is okay if these are occasional experiences. It may be something you want to look more deeply into if any of these are ones you are consistently experiencing.
Somatic Practices to Release Perfectionism from the Body
If you are resonating with this blog post, you might be feeling bummed out or overwhelmed by this information. That is totally understandable. I want to offer you hope: You can heal this. I know this because a.) I have healed so much from this pattern of perfectionism and b.) I support creative, sensitive, and ambitious souls just like you to heal from these patterns every week. Healing is here for you!
Here are some simple somatic practices that can help:
These somatic practices are wonderful starting points because they help you build interoception — your brain’s ability to perceive sensations within your body. Developing this awareness is a foundational principle of somatic healing, allowing you to notice and release stored tension, stress, and emotion.
Final Thoughts: Your Body Knows How to Heal
Healing perfectionism isn’t just about releasing stress — it’s about building trust with yourself and allowing yourself to authentically express yourself...as the true you. As you consistently practice somatic healing tools, you can rewire your nervous system over time to recognize peace as a safe baseline to embody. Healing is possible. Healing is here for you. Healing is your birthright.
If this resonates with you, here are ways we can work together:
👉 If you’re a sensitive, ambitious, high-performing individual seeking next-level growth, I’d love to support you:
For therapy in Connecticut or New York, schedule a consultation here.
For private coaching worldwide, book a coaching consultation here.
With care,
Heather
