Healing Without Fixing: A Holistic Approach to Self-Criticism, Perfectionism, and Anxiety

You may be seeking to work with a therapist but also question that inkling — because there is nothing acutely “wrong” happening in your life.

Your career may be steady and fulfilling.
Your may have relationships that feel nourishing.
You are highly capable and have ample ambition.

While your external life may feel pretty solid, something might feel “off” internally.

Your body may feel tight.

You may feel like you’re internally locked in fight or flight — a racing heart, a hypervigilant orientation towards situations, and unable to rest even when it’s safe to do so.

You may notice patterns of perfectionism, over-thinking, self-criticism, or constantly scanning for what needs to be improved. The more you ponder, you sense a subtle but relentless orientation toward fixing — fixing yourself, fixing your reactions, fixing your emotions, fixing your life.

…and it’s exhausting. You may feel depleted, like you’ve lost some of your spark, and that life has lost its magic.

So, you quietly open Google and type something like “spiritual therapist near me” or “holistic therapy” or “somatic therapy for anxiety in Connecticut.”

Because a part of you senses and longs for something deeper.

Nothing Is Wrong: A Holistic Therapy Perspective on Anxiety and Perfectionism

When clients come to therapy with a symptom they want to alleviate — anxiety, burnout, chronic tension, emotional reactivity, numbness, perfectionism — I operate from an ethos of:

Nothing is wrong, and everything belongs.

How we relate with symptoms is important. In many Western traditions of therapy, there is a framework of exclusion at play (i.e. “How can we eliminate the symptom as quickly as possible?”). As a therapist who practices holistically, I operate from a framework of inclusion: holding reverence, respect, and a genuine curiosity towards the symptom’s presence and function in the client’s life.

Symptoms are not enemies — they are sacred messengers.

Symptoms carry information, contain wisdom, and are often very intelligent adaptations our systems developed to survive, succeed, belong, or stay safe.

Perfectionism may be a part of you that learned belonging was earned by doing things “right.” That love, approval, or safety came when you performed well, achieved more, or made fewer mistakes.

Anxiety may be a part of you that developed hyper-vigilance as a way to stay safe — scanning for what could go wrong, preparing for every possible outcome, trying to control what felt unpredictable.

Self-criticism may be an internalized voice of a family system that only celebrated achievement, a school culture that rewarded performance over authenticity, or misogynistic, homophobic, and racist systems that required you to shrink, code-switch, overachieve, or prove your worth just to be treated as sub-equal.

Why “Fixing Yourself” Keeps Anxiety and Burnout in Place

When we begin therapy from the covert assumption that a symptom is evidence that something is wrong with you, we plant seeds in infertile soil.

When we turn towards a symptom with gentleness and curiosity — when we say, “Let’s slow down. Let’s listen. Let’s understand what this part of you has been trying to do for you,” something begins to shift inside.

We move from fixing to healing.
From fighting against to including & inviting.
From shame to self-compassion.

This is the art of using gentleness as a pathway to transformation.

Working with Symptoms from a Spiritual and Somatic Lens

In my work as a spiritual and somatic therapist in Connecticut, we may explore symptoms through any of these multiple lenses:

• How you’re currently making meaning of the symptoms

• How your body responds / braces / where it holds tension while the symptom is present

• What nervous system responses you enter into while the symptom is present

• Relational context (family of origin, peer experiences, societal conditioning, patterns of interaction with people when the symptom is present)

• Spiritual meaning (i.e. The wisdom inside the wound)

• Internal Family Systems-oriented lenses (i.e. Symptoms can be young parts of us that are functioning in a certain way for valid and important reasons)

We slow down and create space for the parts of you that learned to over-function, brace, or criticize to be seen and witnessed. When a symptom is met with this kind of inclusive orientation, it begins to soften.

Holistic Therapy in Connecticut for the Spiritually Curious and Chronically Stressed

If you are someone who:

• Understands your patterns intellectually but still feels tense inside

• Holds yourself to impossibly high standards

• Feels spiritually curious but wary of anything ungrounded or that bypasses systemic oppression

• Is tired of trying to optimize yourself into peace

You may benefit from a third space where all of you is allowed.

A space where anxiety is listened to and perfectionism is understood; where your inner critic is met with compassion rather than challenged; where your spirituality is welcomed, not pathologized.

Healing, in this framework, is not about becoming someone new. It is about warmly inviting all parts of you to be…exactly as they are. When inclusion deepens, symptoms can often begin to reorganize.

Spiritual Therapist in Connecticut: A Gentler Approach to Anxiety and Perfectionism

If you’ve been quietly longing for a therapist who can hold both psychology and spirituality…who understands the nervous system and the soul…who sees symptoms as intelligent, not defective…and who integrates somatic therapy, nervous system regulation, and depth-oriented psychotherapy, I invite you to schedule a free consultation.

We can explore what’s bringing you here — and whether this gentler, more inclusive approach feels aligned with what you’re looking for at this time. I’m looking forward to meeting you!

With care,
Heather