How Repressed Anger Affects Women — And How Somatic Therapy Helps You Release It
“I feel angry,” she said. “How do I get past it? I don’t want to feel this way.”
Does that sound familiar?
Many women carry anger they’ve never been allowed to express. Maybe you were taught to be a “good girl” and keep the peace. Or to put everyone else’s needs before your own. Maybe you had a narcissistic, borderline, or histrionic parent, so there was literally no room or space for you to get angry.
That was my story. I never expressed anger. I was perpetually good, sweet, nice, and polite. I took pride in never making a fuss and never getting in trouble. I was a “good girl,” and good girls didn’t get angry. In my personal healing journey, I have learned to reclaim my relationship with anger in a way that feels empowering and practically useful in my life and relationships. Now, I help other women do the same.
Anger is a necessary part of our human development. At certain stages of our lifespan, it is necessary for us to feel anger as a way to individuate and gain more autonomy. When we are not able to feel angry and when we internalize the familial and societal messaging we’ve received around it (which also varies across race), we suppress it, repress it, deny it, or explode.
Unspoken anger doesn’t go away — it lives in our bodies as chronic tension, anxiety, exhaustion, and even physical pain. This is repressed anger, and it’s more common than most women realize. My intention with this blog post is to help women reclaim the importance of anger in your life, understand what it’s trying to tell you, and help you learn how, through somatic therapy, you can safely release repressed anger and begin to live with more freedom and authenticity.
Anger is a Key Part of Our Human Development
As women, we have been taught that anger is bad, “immoral,” or wrong to express. The truth is this: Anger is a key part of our human development. As we grow up, anger plays an important role in helping us differentiate ourselves from our families of origin and gain more autonomy. If we grew up in family systems that were highly enmeshed and codependent; if our parents relied on us to take care of them mentally, emotionally, and/or physically; and/or if we experienced abuse of any kind, differentiating ourselves and gaining more autonomy was possibly a threat to our caretakers…and you may not have been able to freely express your anger.
If your anger is supported as a child, you learn that anger is valid and temporary; you learn to channel your anger into healthy self-expression, purpose, creative projects, and constructive identity formation.
If your anger is punished or suppressed as a child, you may grow up to fear your emotions and push them underground (until you explode), become passive aggressive, avoid difficult or challenging topics, and/or act out in self-destructive, critical, or defensive ways.
What Anger is Trying to Tell You
Your anger holds important messaging for you. When you can learn to decode your anger, you can feel empowered and can use it constructively. Anger can be a sign that:
Your boundaries have been crossed or violated
You’re aware of the presence of lies (you’re lying, someone else is lying, or both)
Something that is happening is not okay with you
You’re in the early stages of coming into your power on a deeper level
When the women I work with say they feel angry, I get excited for them—because it is almost always an indicator that they are moving into their power, sovereignty, and agency on a deeper level. I encourage you to really own this.
The Physiology of Repressed Anger in Women
I work with women who have a history of people-pleasing and perfectionism—two traits that can indicate there is repressed anger in the body. What I love about somatic work is that it gently and powerfully can facilitate the release of stored emotions like anger from the body.
When you become angry, your amygdala—a complex structure of cells in your limbic system that plays a key role in processing emotions— becomes activated. The amygdala alerts your adrenal glands to release cortisol and adrenaline, which put your body into a stress response. When your body enters into a stress response, it clenches certain muscles—most commonly the jaw, hips, shoulders, neck, and low back. These are sometimes called holding patterns in somatic work—physical manifestations of suppressed emotion.
Suppressed anger can create an over-functioning of your fight/flight response, which can lead to chronic anxiety, irritability, digestive issues, chronic bloating, insomnia, and fatigue, depending on the individual.
How Somatic Work Can Help
Somatic work works by helping clients increase self-awareness of their body’s sensations (key for releasing repressed anger) and gently moving or activating certain parts of the body to released stored tension and holding patterns. Guided movements, breathwork, emotional freedom technique (tapping), and even vocal expression can all allow the body to release adrenaline and cortisol safely from the body.
Want to Go Deeper?
Repressed anger comes at a cost: it keeps you from fully expressing who you are, setting the boundaries you need to, and feeling at home in your own body.
Somatic work can offer a compassionate way to reconnect with your emotions, release what’s been held inside, and reclaim your autonomy. When anger is no longer buried, it transforms into clarity, power, and authentic self-expression.
If you’re ready to explore this work, I offer Connecticut therapy, New York therapy, and somatic coaching for women worldwide. Together, we can create a safe space for your emotions to move, your body to soften, and your true self to emerge.
👉 Schedule a therapy consultation or a coaching consultation and begin the journey of releasing repressed anger so you can live with greater freedom, peace, and authenticity.
With care,
Heather
