Feel Stuck Trying to Reach a Goal? It Might Be a Value Clash.
If you feel stuck trying to reach a goal—despite genuinely wanting it and putting in effort—you might assume something is wrong with you.
Maybe you’ve told yourself:
“I just need more discipline.”
“Why can’t I follow through?”
“I know what to do…why am I not doing it?”
But what if the issue isn’t a lack of motivation or willpower?
What if you might feel stuck because two things you deeply care about feel like they’re in conflict with each other? This is what I call a value clash.
What Is a Value Clash?
A value clash happens when two things you deeply care about feel like they’re in conflict. And no matter what you choose…it feels like you’re losing something important. This creates a kind of internal gridlock. You don’t move forward—not because you’re incapable, but because your system is trying to honor both values at the same time.
Common Examples of a Value Clash
This shows up more often than you might think.
Here are real-life examples that I see in my office:
“I want to eat healthier, but food brings me joy.”
“I want to be authentic, but I also want privacy.”
“I want to grow in my career, but I also want rest and spaciousness.”
“I want to set boundaries, but I also want to be kind and feel connected.”
Can you see the value clashes here?
You feel stuck not because you’re lazy or avoiding—but because both sides matter.
Why “Just Choose One” Doesn’t Work
Most advice pushes you to pick one value over the other:
Discipline over joy
Honesty over privacy
Productivity over rest
But when you override one of your core values, your nervous system feels it. It doesn’t feel good. It feels like we are betraying our true natures. And I believe that reaching our goals should feel good most of the time and be in alignment with our true nature all of the time.
Your System Isn’t Broken—It’s Wise
Here’s the reframe most people have never been offered: Your internal conflict isn’t dysfunction. It’s intelligence.
It’s your system saying: “Both values matter. Don’t abandon either.”
When you understand this, the goal shifts. Instead of asking, “Which one should I choose?” you ask, “How can I honor both?”
How to Work With a Value Clash (Instead of Staying Stuck)
This is where real change begins. Not through force—but through integration. Here’s what that can look like:
1. Name the Values Clearly
Get specific about what actually matters.
Not just “I want to lose weight,” but:
Health
Vitality
Confidence
And also:
Pleasure
Comfort
Joy
Both sides deserve to be seen.
2. get curious
Ask yourself, “How can I honor both of those values?” This creates space for new solutions your mind literally couldn’t access before. And…most often…there is a win-win here.
3. Look for Solutions that honor both values
Examples:
Look at what has felt un-joyful in regards to eating healthy and ask yourself where and how you can infuse joy into those pockets and places
Decide that you can be authentic and decide what to say and who to say it to — and that in and of itself is authentic, because you are expressing yourself in a way that is true to you
Carve out non-negotiable space in your calendar for rest and relaxation while also working intentionally to grow and build your career
There is almost always an option that honors both values.
4. Notice What Happens in Your Body
Notice what it feels like in your body to true to choose one, and notice what it feels like in your body when you allow yourself to choose both. When you stop forcing yourself to choose, something shifts. Things that feel out-of-alignment with our values feel heavy, tense, tight, and restrictive. Things that feel in-alignment with our values feel light, freeing, open, and warm.
Why This Matters for Lasting Change
Most people don’t fail because they lack discipline. They fail because they unknowingly abandon parts of themselves in the process. And your system will always resist that. This is why symptoms are sacred messengers and even things society would dub as “wrong” are actually just your body, psyche, and/or soul trying to protect you.
Sustainable change happens when your whole system is on board—when no part of you is being overridden or left behind.
Ready for Support?
This is the work I do—helping self-aware women move beyond insight and into real, lasting change by working with their inner world, not against it.
If this resonates, you’ll likely resonate with my approach. Book your free therapy consult here (Connecticut and New York residents only). Book your free somatic coaching consult here (for individuals worldwide).
With care,
Heather
